More than one pet groomer has described themselves as “people pleasers.” Though it may seem nice to be someone who pleases others, it usually means that the groomer lets others walk all over them and becomes overworked, resentful, and burnt out.
I recently saw an Instagram post by a woman who calls herself “The Resilient Hairdresser.” She made an excellent point, and I wanted to share it. She used an example of a conversation between a hairstylist and her customer, but it applies equally as well to people-pleasing groomers, so I’ll make up an example here:
Mrs. Gardener is picking up her dog and wants to schedule her next visit for 4:00 PM on a specific Friday next month. You look at your calendar and see that you had planned to leave early that day to attend a gathering with friends you have been looking forward to. You say, “Oh, I can’t fit you in at 4:00 that day.” She says, “It’s the only time I can get here after work, and I have to have Bonzo groomed because we are going on vacation the next day.” What follows next is the tricky part, but keep reading.
The Resilient Hairdresser cites American Academic and podcaster Brene Brown’s theory that people can only handle about 8 seconds of discomfort before they try to step in and say or do something to soothe that feeling. She describes it as playing a game of chicken. After your customer tells you her situation, the people pleaser in you can’t handle the discomfort of potentially disappointing her, so you jump in and say, “Well, I guess I can fit Bonzo in,” even though you know this will make you late for the fun outing you had planned. Your customer leaves, pleased, and you kick yourself hard.
How could this have played out differently? If you had just re-stated that you were unavailable and then waited quietly for 8 seconds, there is an excellent chance that Mrs. Gardener would have been uncomfortable enough to devise an alternative plan. She might have said, “I guess I can ask my son to drop Bonzo off. Could you take him at 3:00?” Having the courage to be quiet for those few seconds could have made the difference in you fulfilling the grooming need and still being able to scoot out a bit early for an enjoyable evening.
Next time a customer wants you to give up your free time to open early, stay late, or come in on your day off, try suggesting an alternative time or two and then leave the ball in their court and see if they come up with a solution to the problem while you wait quietly. It’s just eight seconds; what have you got to lose?
